I’ve spent the past hour or so flipping through new blogs I haven’t seen on 20sb. This song came on. Seemed appropriate.

Any asshole can open up a museum
Put all the things he loves  on display
So everyone can see ’em.
The house, a car, a thoughtful wife.
Ordinary moments in his ordinary life.

But if she breaks a smile she’ll give you away,
Because no one wants to pay to see your happiness,
No one wants to pay to see your day to day.

And I’m not buying anything
But I’ll try selling it anyway.

And aside from that, how am I doing? Not so well, I think. My dad comes to Olympia tomorrow to move everything back down to Vancouver. After we load up the truck, he’ll head back to Vancouver and I’ll head up to Bothell for my going away party. Yeah, I’m at that point — Mackenzie is throwing me a party at her place, which will be the last time I see those folks before I leave next Thursday.

And Sunday is the going away open house my mom is throwing. Friends and family will be stopping to bid me adieu and wish me luck.

And then it’s hanging in Vancouver, getting things ready to go. A Taco Tuesday with my wonderful Portland friends, a family dinner, and …well, then it’s Thursday, and I’ll be on my way to South America.

It’s getting harder and harder to process. I’m feeling more and more overwhelmed, since I still have way too much to do. And, as always happens when I’m here, I’m frustrated at being in Olympia. My time here is just pointless. Wasted.

Optimism is failing me at the moment.

I still find it to be strange that I’ve lived in Olympia for almost a year and have failed to put down any roots. Perhaps it’s a lack of trying, but maybe it’s also that this is just not the place for me.

When I first moved, I hung out with the people I know here on a semi-regular basis, but mostly through the campaign that ended in May. After that disbanded, there wasn’t much left to do, and so there was less time spent with them. It’s okay, in the long run, since when it comes down to it, I don’t have all that much in common with them anyway, but even when I tried to get to know people here, things were just…weird. I went on a few dates, more in an effort to meet people and make friends than to actually date someone, but there was just no real connection with any of them.

Maybe it was knowing that this was temporary. Maybe my unhappiness at just being here shone through.

I guess I’m a bit scared that Santiago will be my Olympia — the difference being, of course, that it’s 6500 miles away and I won’t have a car for quick weekend getaways every single weekend.

So, I guess I just have to put my faith on the knowledge that it’s where I belong right now. And hopefully that’ll be the difference.